I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
