Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
