When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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