I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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