SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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