I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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