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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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