and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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