not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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