You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
