she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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