I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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