So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
