I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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