I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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