shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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