I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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