Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
