He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
