Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
