I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
