meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
