OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
