I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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