I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
