i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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