The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
