I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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