Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
