I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
