I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
