i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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