True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He felt like a one man threesome
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
