im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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