i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize