the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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