you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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