five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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