You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
