I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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