proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
