dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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