those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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