i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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