You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
