Can Purell be used as lube?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
