There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
