i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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