my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize