I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She bit a glass in half.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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