i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So many bounce houses so little time
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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