Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
