So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
