Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
