Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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