When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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