I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
