Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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