So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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