Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
